I can't believe I ever let myself believe that I didn't deserve love or happiness unless I was skinny.

I can't believe I spent my whole life buying into the bullshit that society tries to brainwash and control me with.

Society wants us to be fucking tiny and weak and hungry, society wants us to spend so much time obsessing over calories and our bodies that we don't have time to actually contribute to the world or to expand our minds positively, because society feels that we as women must be weak and must stay at home. Well, fuck that. Fuck that patriarchal beauty standard that tells me that as a woman I must be delicate and weak.

I will be big and strong and subversive. My body is fucking perfect exactly how it is. The whole concept of "flaws" only serves to sell us products and control us. There's a lot of fucking money at stake when it comes to convincing people they need to lose weight. If people were happy with the way they looked, the diet industry would go bankrupt. And think about it, every weight-loss related thing you see is trying to establish and perpetuate a norm that ultimately sells a product. We're all being fucking controlled. They're setting up these bullshit norms that make us hate ourselves to sell a fucking product.

Aren't we worth more than that?


I don't know why I thought somehow starving myself towards organ failure was somehow more healthy than being overweight. Even though that's bullshit. Even though there are actually studies that show that a lot of the health risks supposedly related to obesity are actually caused by starvation--you know, dieting. Dieting isn't fucking healthy, but somehow people decided that they just fucking hate fat people so much that they'd convince them that doing something really unhealthy (dieting) would actually make them healthy... what kind of fucking logic is that? The 'health at any size' movement is actually supported by the fucking surgeon general and yet it's not widely recognized by the general population. Why? Because health-at-any-size can't sell you as many fucking products.


I'm rambling now.
But basically I just saw one of my sort-of friends get reblogged on a thinspo site and I looked at the site and it was really fucking triggering especially when I saw a reblog from that confessionsabouteatingdisorders Tumblr that was like "I get confused when I see fat people that are happy."


Because you know, it is normalized that fat people should be unhappy.
Why?
Because society tells us that somehow, your weight can determine whether or not you are fucking human.


Seriously, fuck that, fuck everything.


And you know why I'm so fucking pissed off?


Because no matter how positive I am about my body, I still have disordered eating.

Because it's fucking impossible to fully recover from an eating disorder in a diet culture.
And I will spend the rest of my life fighting sizeist bigotry and diet culture, because I want all of us to live.