Maybe sometimes you look at yourself in the mirror and see a startling resemblance to Miss Piggy. Maybe sometimes you kill yourself. Maybe sometimes you feel that you are inexplicably covered in shit, and you keep showering trying to get it off but every time you look in the mirror you see a spot you missed. Maybe sometimes you cut yourself, or maybe sometimes you starve yourself so you don't have to cut yourself, but maybe sometimes you're a fat piece of shit and can't starve yourself so you have to cut yourself again.

I've been binging. Well not really binging, just being incapable of restricting. I work tomorrow so I'm not going to eat anything all day, then go to work early so I can eat a salad from my work before I start my shift, then while working I'll drink a lot of unsweet tea and diet coke (I'm under the impression that we get drinks free; I hope I'm right about this) and nothing afterwards. I'm slipping just a little back into restrictive eating habits--only wanting to eat "safe" foods, constantly tracing my ribcage... but I can't deny the fact that a lot of wanting to starve comes as a side effect from the actual starvation. So if you're not starving you're missing out on a lot of the feelings that perpetuates the starving itself. I'm overdoing the water again. I really don't know why I do this.

I think I'm going to cut myself tonight. What an odd statement to make but yeah, I think I will.