Thanks for the comments on the last post. I'm going to go to my school's counseling center next week, maybe Monday but Tuesday at the latest as you have to do an evaluation which is supposed to take 50 minutes and I'm not sure I have the time on Monday. I would have gone today but I couldn't bring myself to it. I haven't been to school in three days, ugh. My school has psychiatric services too, which is cool. I guess it's good to know I'm using my student fees for SOMETHING because heaven knows I have yet to go to the rec center...

I've also decided pretty absolutely that I'm taking a semester off to deal with all of this shit and get my head clear. I really left for school too early. My initial plan was to not have gone THIS semester and to get some kind of treatment and start in the spring. I KNEW that's what I had to do and I didn't. And look at me, now I'm doing  it, just a little backwards. I never feel too good about my decisions but I actually think for once I'm making a really good choice.

BUT I'm not sure if taking one semester and then one off is going to mess up my credits or something, so when I go to the counselor I can ask them about that or at least ask who I should talk to about it. I plan on coming back to the same school next fall though, so I don't THINK it'll be a problem. If it will, I'm not sure what I'm going to do.

I just really, really, really can't live this way. I mean, if it wasn't affecting me academically I'd try to wait it out another semester, but I know if I even attempt another semester I'm going to fail everything. So I'm going to move back home where it's safe and where I'll be around people I love. I can get a job and save up and actually get my license/a car so I don't have to have this fucking ridiculous commute and so that I can actually go hang out with people and have friends. And I can go to therapy, or whatever I need to do to figure out what made me this way and how I can get over it. Because I'm fucking ready to get over it. I've wasted my life thus far, because I've never given myself the chance to face my problems. I've suppressed them and let them build up, thinking they'd go away but knowing they'd just get worse and worse. I can be with my family and I'll be 40 minutes away from my best friends as opposed to 4 hours.

I just need some time to deal with things, and I can't put it off anymore.

So I have like, 35 days left of living here. I'll be counting down. I can't wait to move back home.