Umm, maybe I haven't eaten enough today, maybe I won't eat enough today... when I was still deep in the midst of my ED, when I was on my period I used it as an excuse to let myself eat way more than usual... can I just reverse that now? I can give myself a break from eating because I'm crampy and I don't feel good and I want to lie in bed all day and getting up to get food would require getting out of bed? Good plan. Okay it's a terrible plan. Bah.

I'm starting to like and accept my body but goddamnit it's hard when I constantly see it as something different. And when I always see it as bigger than it is. I've found pictures of people and what size they are and I'll see women two sizes bigger than me but I'm like, what the fuck? I'm at least twice as big as them. Right? Right? The world is playing tricks on me. Or my eyes are. Even if I could always see myself as bigger than I am that would be okay, because then I could at least have ONE body image to accept. None of this "OMG I look so great today, oh my my, is that my waist? What a nice waist!" then "OMG I'M A SACK OF BLUBBER." But even if I could always see the sack of blubber at least I could learn to accept that without my eyes randomly deciding it'd be fun to get my hopes up. Blah. This doesn't make any sense, does it?

Cramps. Hurt. Pain. Ow. I need to study for history.