Went on PrettyThin looking for some support; stayed on for about 10 minutes until I couldn't deal with the fatphobia, body-policing, lifestyle policing, sexism, girl-hate and general shitty attitudes anymore and I realized my feminism and body-positivity has officially surpassed my eating disorder... but not enough to get rid of it, just enough that I don't really care about being thin anymore and I can't really fit into an eating-disordered community anymore because I can't deal with any of the hateful and socially poisonous shit that our disorders often make us perpetuate... but we all know this isn't just about being thin. I mean personally I'm so sick of feeling shit and I know once I'm starving enough my ability to feel will be drastically altered. Yeah, I'm taking a break from life. I just can't deal anymore. And if I lose weight in the process that's just a plus.

It's just weird because I've been having really good body image lately, but the desire to starve hasn't gone away. I wish this wasn't so fucking complicated.