Excuse my absence

I'm the fattest cow on the farm. I can't stop the binging. Today, I fasted, did the salt water flush, nothing happened. I broke down at like 6:00 and ate (and ate and ate and ate and ate.) I leave for college in less than a month. This is the time for seriousness. A painful level of seriousness. Here's the deal ok? I wanted to fast until college. That's really simple. Just don't eat till you start school. But I realized I probably couldn't do that. So I'm just going to fast every other day until college, and keep my calorie intake at around 600cals or less on the days I do eat. I'm going to weigh myself and measure every day, and plan my calories the night before hand as often as possible. I'm also going to plan out my eating times. Basically I need to include as many numbers as possible. I always do so much better when I can obsess about numbers.

I'm also giving myself 3 cheat days. So it's either eating on fast days or eating more than planned on restricting days IF it seems necessary. These cheat days will most likely be used on my orientation/immediate departure for New Jersey to go to the wedding of a cousin I don't know/general mindfuck of a three days that will happen in the middle of August.

I'm about to make a calendar for this shit.
I can pass it off as a countdown to when school starts if my mom asks, because, y'know, that's essentially what it is. It's going on the wall next to my bed so I'm always thinking of that shit. I'm going to color code it. Actually, I have a dry erase board that I should do this on. Yes. Doing this, hanging it up on my wall.

I think I gained like... 30lbs since May. That might be an exaggeration, but it's probably not much of one. So while I can't start college being any thinner than I was in May, I really believe that if I work hard I can at least undo all of this damage. And when school starts I'll be walking everywhere, being able to use my school's gym/fucking ROCK CLIMBING WALL/really cheap boxing lessons, etc., and generally having no money to buy food.

I'm too tired to think anymore.
I hope you all have been well. I feel bad about not posting for so long, but I just couldn't face myself.

(oh yeah, I got accepted. I applied late so they answered late but yessir, I got accepted. I saw it on the online status thing so I'm still waiting for my letter in the mail.)

(I'm still not 100% sure of my living situation, but I'm pretty sure I'll be living with my brother if he can keep his job, which I thiiiink he will. At least I'll know that within the next few days.)