frigid architect

The pill made me nauseas all day, I fell asleep at 10, then woke up at 1AM in a cold sweat feeling like I would absolutely die if I didn't have peanut butter at that exact moment. Got up, had a binge, went back to sleep. I was terrified to weigh myself this morning, but it's fine, I maintained. I mean, that's not fine, because I probably would have lost some weight had I not binged in the middle of the night. But whatever.

I'm visiting a friend who lives about an hour away and staying there until Monday or Tuesday. I'll try and get out of eating as much as possible, since the people I'll be with generally don't notice when I don't eat. (Well it's also with the only friend who knows about my ED. I don't know if this means I don't have to hide it around her or if I especially have to hide it around her? I think she ignores it. We haven't spoken of it since that day, that horrible and wonderful day in the midst of AP testing, when I was fully out of my mind and broke down and told her everything, almost everything. We don't speak of it anymore.) I think I can avoid food until dinner, which I can't get out of because apparently my friend's mom is making it special and blah blah etc. I'm still a bit nauseas so maybe I'll use that as an excuse.

I don't think my friend's family likes me. Most of the time I don't think my friend likes me. My friend moved away but has been in town for like a week and she doesn't want to hang out with me; I've asked her and she shies away from the subject. I'm the moody one who's ugly and unfun. With huge arms and huge scars on her huge arms and I'm wearing a sleeveless dress. That'll really be the icing on the cake, huh? Fucking food analogies.