I have completely removed myself from the outside world
I've stolen a pill of my sister's anxiety medicine but I feel worse
I only lost .2lbs
I was going to fast but then decided fuck it
had a 260 calorie breakfast
the reason I wanted to fast is no longer happening
I guess I'll try to just fast for the rest of the day
uhh
my right ear is so swollen that it's affecting my hearing
I'm probably going to spend the rest of the day watching Skins and Hey Arnold
I need to exercise eventually.
I feel sick.
Something inside of me is begging, pleading, shouting from a tear-stained face, "GET OUT! YOU CAN STILL GET OUT! DON'T LET HER TAKE YOU!" (or something like that.) That something is tugging on my arms, stomping its feet, throwing tantrums, trying to convince me to get out, because that something thinks I still can get out. But I'm taken. The only way to be happy in this kind of wrecked life is to lose weight. So I know I'm down now, but I also know that once I start losing more weight I'll be happy again. And not happy, but... that feeling. You know that feeling. In a way, it's better than happiness.
I lovelovelove your new layout. It's probably something I missed over the week I've been gone. But it's pretty amazing and beautiful.
ReplyDeleteI want you to feel happy, honey. :[ I wish I could make you happy.
Love you. <3
I've been unhappy for a long time, but I know I feel a tiny bit better when I lose weight that when I dont or gain!
ReplyDeleteBut I dont know how I cant manage to make myself feel better by actually losing weight!
So I'm with you deep down in the "i'd rather sit home all day than get out", I barely get out of my house too.
Dont worry that you 'only' lost 2lbs, still better than nothing and I've been thinking lately that it's true that the faster you lose the faster you gain back everything and sometimes even more.
But secretly I wish I could wake and be 20 pounds lighter in 3 weeks...
xxx
I know I'm being lame by quoting you on your own blog, but " The only way to be happy in this kind of wrecked life is to lose weight. So I know I'm down now, but I also know that once I start losing more weight I'll be happy again. And not happy, but... that feeling. You know that feeling. In a way, it's better than happiness."
ReplyDeleteOh my god, I just love that line. It's so true, you summed it up perfectly.
Love you, the world will welcome you back with open arms when you decide to return. Feel better <3
xo