6th post today? Geez.

Of course my 100-calorie-every-hour plan was not stickable, because I really only make those plans for the sake of making them. I don't usually stick to them. Well here's my plan for tomorrow:

7:00 - Banana (110)
8:15-3:15 - School (burning calories! learning and whatnot.)
3:30 - Banana (110) (obligatory ride-home snack)
4:00-4:30 - Attempting the Jillian Michaels workout video/various other exercise (burning calories here, too!)
4:30-5:00 - Lying on the couch watching the rest of Ellen, contemplating my existence.
5:00 - 1/2 cup Mandarin oranges (90)
5:00-6:00 - I won't even lie to you, I will spend this hour of my day as I do every day: watching Arthur. Don't hate. I actually appreciate it more now as an "adult."
6:00 - 3/4 cup bran flakes, 1/2 cup almond milk (90 + 60 = 150)
6:00-7:00 - Reserved for purely eating disorder-related activities.
7:00 - 2 plum tomatoes with balsamic vinegar. (55)
TOTAL: 515

This leaves me 2-3 hours of free time. This will probably end up being watching the Food Network, posting ridiculous shit on this blog, doing other internet things, playing guitar, frantically looking over choir music because I have LGPE on Tuesday, did I mention watching the Food Network?, reading Skinny Bitch, Eating Animals, or maybe actually doing my APUSH reading, listening to Crime in Stereo on vinyl while lying in bed scribbling experimental writing in my journal, introspecting, watching Food Network, drinking water, peeing a lot, cleaning my birds' cage, doing my laundry, staying the fuck out of the kitchen, texting someone for a short period of time, and my new nighttime ritual: plan out my intake for the next day, weigh myself, brush my teeth, go to sleep. In that order. I wish I could weigh myself in the morning but there's no way to do that secretly and this time I refuse to let my mom pick up on any habits regarding my eating disorder. I should aim to partake in all the aforementioned activities, leaving me no time to think about eating more than I planned! I will be so busy. Yes.

So I'm definitely relapsing, if you haven't noticed. The thing is, I don't remember ever recovering. But this definitely feels like a relapse. For sure.