Thursday, March 25, 2010
Either I'm completely ignorant to the actual extent of my eating disorder, or there is something wrong with me that's completely unrelated to it. I don't feel like I've been restricting enough to have this constant floating disconnect but it seems I'm light-headed all the time. I feel like my soul is separating, peeling away, trying to escape. I feel like the back of my eyes are disintegrating into small bundles of fog and dancing in front of my brain; my occipital lobe melting and the liquid runs and ensnares the length of my spinal cord, sending the message to my skin and limbs to disappear, disappear, dissolve. I feel like I'm dissolving. If spontaneous combustion is possible, what about spontaneous evaporation...? Am I the first? And what's more, what's making me sound like this?
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oh dear! that imagery is terrifying! are you feeling sick?
ReplyDeleteI have felt like this in the past as well, after I got down to a BMI of about 16.5
ReplyDeleteI think it is your body trying to conserve energy, so it takes energy away from your brain (and other organs). Very bad, scary stuff. Not enough to stop me, though, at that point. I actually came to enjoy the disconnected feeling. Made me feel like I lived in a dream-world and didn't have to worry about anything...