Basically everything in my life is going considerably well. School is going well, my singing lessons are going really really amazingly, I'm working on not being so shy, I've had something quite closely resembling a social life lately, I mentor this adorable 2nd grader in reading every Tuesday, I'm about to fucking graduate high school, for once I'm not feeling like all of my friends secretly hate me, I just got a shit-ton of amazing vinyl in the mail, I'm about to start volunteering for the music festival which should be fun, and for once I don't give half a shit whether boys like me or if I have a boyfriend or not. Things aren't perfect, but things are generally much better than they usually are.
But none of that matters because I'm a fucking fatass who has no sense of discipline or self-control. I'm too lazy to force myself to exercise and too much of a weakling to restrict properly. I know I've been doing better, but not good enough. But I've got this really strong voice in my head that's been shouting orders at me over my own thoughts. I've never had that before. And no it's not some kind of hallucination, and it's nothing that I'm pretending is a hallucination to try to seem cool or crazy or whatever. It's a voice produced my own mind, but it sounds a little different than my own, and it's telling me what I should do. And when I listen to that voice, amazing things happen, like yesterday when I fasted all day. But when I lose focus and stop listening to that voice, terrible things happen, like eating more after I got home last night, and eating even more this morning. My goal is to listen to that voice more. Not to let it control me, but to let it knock some sense into me.
Today I remembered that I have collar bones. I should work on making those more prominent...
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