The best part of music

is that sometimes songs will be with you for a while, and then one day you listen to them again and suddenly realize that they're describing your life, situation and mental state more than you ever could. I'm listening to this song by Tigers Jaw, who are one of my favorite bands, and I've listened to this song maybe, 100 billion times? but this time I listened to it for the first time in headphones and I don't know if that was the reason but for some reason, some enormously miraculous reason, it suddenly became me. It's almost creepy, to the extent where I begin to question if the song fits my life, or if my life is transforming to fit the song. I love music.

I saw water


I said I wanted to break my friends,
but my dependency won't let me away.
I'd like to think that I could work it out some,
but I want to be put into the ground.


Today I needed a break.
My friends were up in mountains,
and I'm drowning in lakes.
I swallowed water right in front of her face
just to show that she had nothing to say. 


I felt lighter. I impressed her.

But my emotions ran unopposed
I felt just like Brian Jones
I've never felt that lost before
I just don't feel incredible. 


But me, well of course I liked you.
Have time for me / I don't expect you to.
I see me become a recluse.
It's very easy to seclude.

I saw water. I felt better.

I woke up feeling embarrassed from
when I drowned in my swimming pool.
You thought it was an accident.
I just can't get along with you.

But me, well of course I liked you. 


So, so perfect.


In terms of my actual day, I'm still sick, but I think I'm going to school tomorrow. I mean, I really should. Today wasn't too good in terms of my intake, because I have to take this strong medicine that absolutely kills my stomach if I don't eat with it, so I've had to eat for that. I hate taking medicine in any form but I can't pretend that the stuff isn't working, so I've just sucked it up and ate... which is actually really lame, because 99% of the time I want to eat and have to convince myself not to, but today I didn't want to and had to force myself to. What a shitty deal. At least I'm going to bed hungry tonight, which is usually a sign of some level of success. (And according to the scale this morning, I lost 2.4lbs, but I'm blaming that on dehydration.)