I really want to move to Atlanta. It's perfect: so foreign, yet so familiar. Big and scary but not completely impossible. I've been there what, 20, 30 times? I could recognize some faces, but essentially I would be a total stranger. I could start completely over, a clean slate, fresh-faced and wide-eyed to everyone. The idea of moving to a big city all alone is beyond exciting to me. At home I'm overshadowed by my friends, all the time, we come as a package, and I'm essentially the unnecessary lifetime warranty on the item that you'll never use anyway. But far away and all alone, I would stand by myself and would make my own friends, and people would actually get to know me. Absolutely no one here really knows me, they don't know my full potential, they don't know how I really am.

I've planned it out, mostly. They have real record stores and a real music scene and real things to do and no one would try and make me eat, right? No one has time to notice. I just want to LEAVE. I have no desire to make new friends here, and I have no desire to remain in touch with current friends, and I have no desire to reconnect with old friends. I've never had a real friend here and I'm starting to think it's this fucking city. Somehow, seemingly overnight, I lost all emotional attachment to all of my friends here. Maybe because I'm sick of getting fucked over all the time and I'm ready to move on.

But I'm not moving to Atlanta. You know why? Fucking money. More specifically that I don't have any. Even more specifically that I don't want to be in major debt my first year of college. I honestly think I could handle working and going to school, but tell that to my mother who doesn't think I can handle doing anything by myself much less living that way. But second year of college? Hell yeah, I'm moving the fuck out of this place.

Which means I have an entire year to get skinny, skinny, skinny! I don't have anything else to worry about because nothing else really matters. I'm not trying to have a life here, so why would I care about anything or anyone? Solid reasoning, no? Yeah, probably not. Whatever. Most of my friends are moving to this hokey town to go to a semi-ok school (that apparently has the highest STD rate in all of the United States) so that they can all become alcoholics, get syphilis, eat nothing but fast-food (which makes up 90% of the required freshman meal plan) and gain the freshman 15 tenfold. They're going to get cliquey and won't want to hang out with me anymore, but who gives a fuck? I'm movin' on, man, onto bigger and better things.

And for the record, I don't hate everyone. I've been developing an amazing friendship with a girl who notices the good things about me that everyone else likes to ignore. And she's the closest thing to a real-life Cassie that I've ever meant. Totally dreamy, up-in-the-clouds demeanor all the time. She's also the only other one who realizes how much this city fucking sucks and is as excited to leave as I am, except that she's actually getting out, about 9 hours away. So that's another friendship that won't last.

My point? I hate it here.