Sorry to disappoint...

I haven't properly restricted in so long that I was unprepared to deal with the nighttime feelings, meaning the total inability to fall asleep. It stressed me out last night so badly that I gave in and ate--too much, mind you--bringing my total calorie number up to probably 1,000, if not 1,200. And I had been so proud of myself, too. Of course I slept on the food, which rendered me crushed this morning when I weighed myself to see the exact same number I saw yesterday. That's not so terrible though; I lost quite a bit this weekend so I'm still pretty much on track for my 5-pound goal for the week.

Of course, a good night's sleep is not as important as losing weight, is it? No, not when I knew very well that having 6 hours of sleep vs. 7 hours would not have affected me adversely in the slightest. I was just being weak, making excuses to give into the half-a-bowl of pasta that awaited me in the fridge. Tonight, no excuses! I might set aside some crackers for myself just to calm my nerves, if I really need it.

I've had 362 calories today, which I'm somewhat disappointed in because half of those calories came from a lack of control, essentially binging in its most minor form. This morning I ate one banana, and that was it--until I inhaled another one on impulse. And afterschool, before my job interview, I decided I needed five crackers, which quickly became seven crackers, which quickly became "Ahh fuck it I'll have ten." So, ends = ok. Means = bad. My mom brought me a grape slushie after my interview and I felt bad about pretending to drink some and then giving the rest to my brother, but whatever. It wasn't worth the calories and I didn't even want it.

But really nothing is bringing me down right now because I NOW HAVE A JOB! Oh yes, I have entered, yet again, the WORK FORCE! The pita place hired everyone that showed up for the interview, and they said they'd fire people if after two weeks they seem to be completely incompetent. I've never had food-work experience, but I literally can't let myself do a job badly, so I'm sure I'll stay hired. Scheduling is really relaxed and shifts are only 4-5 hours which is beyond amazing.

I wrote the weirdest thing during APUSH today. I'm usually very meticulous and controlled with my writing, but for some reason this one just came spilling out so uncontrolled that it scared me quite a bit. It's in my writing blog; feel free to read it if you want.

Sorry to keep rambling on about my excessively detailed and mundanegoings-on! Maybe something enormous and exciting will happen tomorrow. Hmm...