Thank you thank you thank you
thank you thank you thank you
thank you thank you thank you!!!

I can't say thank you enough! I am absolutely warmed by the comments on my last post, and the fact that all of you understand and care for my situation means the world to me. I really, really, really can't even express how much I love all of you in this community. Isn't it funny how we end up receiving the most sincere support from those far away faces we meet on the internet? Again, an eternity of thank yous. I think I can even say that your kind words and understanding is making it easier to deal with the blow my mom dealt me today: Going away to college isn't happening. She says it's for money reasons, which I understand.

So I guess I'm staying here for one more year to a.) work on self-development, b.) soak in everything this city might have to offer me, c.) save lots and lots of money and quite importantly, to d.) get really fucking skinny. I'll move to Atlanta with a new identity. Looking on the bright side, I do realize it's better for me to stay home this year and thus avoid going immediately going into debt my first year of college.

I've also made another realization. I wanted to major in Sociology or Anthropology so that I could end up using that do make some kind of social change or to work for a realization. Then I realized that doing a science major would involve a lot of math classes, and I just barely scraped by all of my high school math classes (by "scraped by" I mean mid-to-high-80s but that was mostly my talent in getting good grades without knowing anything at all; not talent in math). Dumb reason to give up my passion, right? Wrong! Education is the most important part of social reform, right? And communication is the most important part of education, right? And thus written communication is extremely important in education and therefore social change, right? Yeah. Well, I can write a persuasive essay like a fucking beast and decided that I'm going to change the world through writing. So I'm majoring in writing, of course. (Or, more practically, some writing-related English degree. The school I'm now looking into I believe calls it "Advanced Composition and Rhetoric" but I still need to look into what that actually entails.)

I don't claim to be an amazing writer but I'm going to throw away any facade of humbleness right and say that I do believe I have some sort of a natural gift for it, and I love to study it, and I think I have a lot of potential.

Of course, the school I was considering doesn't offer a major that concentrates more on writing. SO I have inadvertently reverted back to the school I've basically wanted to go to since like, always! Hahaha and my mom will absolutely hate the idea of me going there because it's smack in the middle of downtown Atlanta but in this next year I live at home I will prove to her my limitless maturity and independence, and I fully plan on asserting to her that from now on, I make my own decisions, damnit.

This weekend I plan on telling her exactly like it is.

"Mom. I'm going to work constantly, all summer, and save a ton of money. Then when the school year starts, I'll still be working a lot and saving a lot, but I will devote a whole-hearted amount of time to my studies and will continue to make good grades. Once I can afford to get a reliable car, I plan on taking trips to Atlanta regularly, as much as my expenses allow. I will learn how to drive in the city and survive there on my own. I am a legal adult and you are no longer allowed to stop me. Sophomore year will be the beginning of my time at Georgia State, majoring in writing. Yes, I know you don't like it. No, I do not care. This is what I have to do and I will do it regardless of whether you think I can handle living in an urban environment or not. I absolutely refuse to spend two years at the local college, and there is no chance of compromise on that decision. I've decided on my own that since I am forced to spend another year in a city that makes me miserable that I am henceforth obliged to do exactly as I please for the rest of my life regardless of your approval or disapproval. You can doubt me all you want, but this is what's happening."

Don't get me wrong; I love and respect my mom, but she's held me down for too long. It's time to assert myself and tell her like it is. It's the only way I'm going to get anywhere.